Fat Siesta

I know it has been more than a week since a new post at Fatty Lane. I have been busy with lots of different stuff. Fatty Lane is not dead, just on a fat siesta. Regular posting will return later this week. In the mean time here are some things to keep you busy.

-Disney had a fat fighting exhibit…that basically closed right away.

mirror on the wall, who's the fattest one of all?

-Are you fat, big boned, pleasantly plump or just greedy?

-Hungry? Try a bacon, wild boar and country sausage scramble.

-Does fat=sick?

-Does a bad economy make people lose weight?

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Doesn’t that Fat Taste Delicious?

mmm...fatty and salty!

Scientists at Washington University have discovered that we might have a taste bud that can detect fat. Our tongues have taste buds for sweet, sour, salty, bitter and unami, or savory. Now it appears we may have a taste for fat too. Fat completes the cycle of deliciousness on our tongues. I propose a taste bud diet. It would be glorious…Make sure you taste every flavor at every meal.

No. that’s too healthy. We need a Fatty Lane Style Taste bud breakfast…

That’s better.

 

Fatty Lane Cookbook: 7 Layer Cupcakes

These are a take on 7 Layer Bars a.k.a Hello Dolly’s a.k.a Magic Bars depending on where in the country you’re from.

Mix all these ingredients below together

1 box Chocolate cake mix
1 box Chocolate pudding
1 cup sour cream
3 eggs
1/2 cup Godiva liqueur
1/3 cup vegetable oil

Spoon into cupcake tins about 2/3rds full. Bake at 350 degrees about 15 minute rotating
pan every 5 minutes.

Cool cupcakes then core.

While cupcakes are baking and cooling, make the 7 layer mixture.

On the stove top combine about a cup of each of the following ingredients
over very low heat:

Sweetened coconut flakes
Chocolate chips
Butterscotch chips
Chopped pecans
1 small can of sweetened condensed milk

Turn off heat and make sure everything is not fully melted but saturated
with the condensed milk.

Spoon about a tablespoon of the mixture into each cupcake. Save the
remaining mixture to put on top or eat separately!

Frosting:

A delicious vanilla frosting which you at least want to double.

Cream together in a mixer:

2 cups powdered sugar
1/2 cup butter

Once smooth add in 1 tsp. vanilla extract and 1 to 1 and 1/2 tablespoons
of cream. Add the little bit of cream slowly. You don’t want the frosting
to become to thin.

Pipe frosting on top and decorate with pecans, coconut or leftover filling!

Enjoy!

My Fat may be funny to you but it’s killing me

That’s Maya Walters taking a shot at fatty lane. Her advertisement is part of a series of ad’s running in Georgia right now to prevent childhood obesity. You can see them all here. The one i chose to focus on is Bobby. Here are his ads.

 

 

I haven’t touched on childhood obesity on Fatty Lane. The reason I haven’t is because it’s not kids faults they’re fat. They don’t do the grocery shopping or the cooking. They don’t drive to get fast food for lunch every day. They only choose to sit on their ass all playing video games because their parents let them. Let’s face it, not all Parents like being parents, and some parents are just plain stupid.

In the obesity video with Bobby, he asks his fat mom why he’s fat. She doesn’t answer. Then comes the text “75% of Georgia parents with overweight kids don’t recognize the problem. Stop sugar coating it Georgia.” Let me fill you in on your problem strong4life, AKA Children’s healthcare of Atlanta AKA the company running these ads. THE PARENTS DON’T RECOGNIZE THEY HAVE A PROBLEM EITHER! 65% of Georgia is fat or overweight. You really think the problem is they’re sugarcoating it? Unless they are literally coating everything they eat in sugar, I call bullshit.

First of all, Doctors aren’t even telling their patients they’re fat! You really think it’s the parents fault? Here’s a fat parent who goes to the doctor, and they say “you have a high BMI so you might want to watch what you eat and exercise.” Most people won’t take that as “you are fat and if  you don’t change your lifestyle, you will probably die.” People hear “try to eat healthier and consult the  get more grains and vitamins and healthy fats.” They go out and buy…

Look at that, they’re being healthy! Eating plenty of vitamins and eating lean healthy protein along with grains! They feed these foods to their kids who love them. Who says kids don’t like healthy foods! It’s comical to me a healthcare company is running this campaign. They’re greatly benefiting from overweight people! They’re all part of the master plan fat conspiracy where everyone wins.

Master Plan Fat Conspiracy

 

The government misleads the people making them fatter, they have fat kids, their health insurance goes up, they have to visit the doctor more often, who prescribes them pills for their problem. Win, Win, Win. How do the people win you ask? In the words of Ron Swanson,

“The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds, and die of a heart attack at 43, you can! You are free to do so! To me, that’s beautiful.”

 

Well said. Proud to be an American!

 

You’re Fired…Because You’re Fat and Ugly….

…Actually it’s because you’re black. Yikes! One of my favorite topics! Political (in)correctness. A human rights panel has determined a  stripper named Cecilia Smith was fired from a strip club in Augusta, Maine because she was black…not because she was fat and ugly like the the strip club owner claimed. Racism in the Northeast!?!? What a shocker!

I think my favorite part about the story is how the strip club owner straight up said “She’s just fat and ugly.” He must be a fatist. The club manager referred to the girl as colored and refused to give her a locker like the other “workers” had. In defending itself, the club stressed in its evidence how many minority women it hires. No word on how many fat women it hires. You stay classy PT’s Showclub.

What Fat People Like: Pancakes

Pancakes are a diabetes chaser’s dreams. Standard breakfast foods are eggs, bacon, cereal and toast. How did pancakes manage to sneak their way off the dessert menu and onto the breakfast menu?

Let’s look at the ingredients in pancakes

flour
baking powder
eggs
milk
sugar
butter
baking powder
salt

Let’s look at the ingredients in cake

flour
baking powder
eggs
milk
sugar
butter
vanilla extract

I guess there’s a couple similarities. It’s almost like a pancake is just a cake, cooked in a pan…Syrup and butter tops the pancakes just like frosting tops the cake. It’s the ultimate fat breakfast.

Fat Fast Food

If you live near a fast food restaurant, you aren’t more likely to gain weight. Researchers looked at 30 years of data collected from participants in the Framingham Heart Study, which gathered information on heart health and weight in people around Framingham, Ma.

Researchers found that “living near a fast-food restaurant had no effect on weight overall, with a minimal effect for women.”

He went  on to shockingly to state, “Our study shows that it’s likely not where you live that matters, but what you eat.”

This may be a breakthrough in the weight loss community. It’s what you EAT that makes you fat!

I smelled something Mcfishy with this study so I did some independent research. You must be more likely to gain weight if you live by a fast food restaurant.  As is turns out…

These are the fattest states in America.

1.    Mississippi (33.8% of adults are obese)
2.    Alabama (31.6%)
3.    Tennessee (31.6%)
4.    West Virginia (31.3%)
5.    Louisiana (31.2%)
6.    Oklahoma (30.6%)
7.    Arkansas (30.1%)
8.    South Carolina (29.9%)
9.    North Carolina (29.4%)
10.  Missouri (29.3%)

Here are the states with the most Mcdonalds per 100,000 people!

Fancy!

1. Hawaii 5.9
2. Michigan 5.4
3.  Ohio 5.4
4.  Wisconsin 5.1
5.  Missouri 5.1
6. Nevada 5.1
7. Louisiana 5.3
8. Kentucky 5.3
9. Kansas 5.3
10.Virginia 5.0

AH HA! Missouri and Louisiana!!!!! You totally have a lot of Mcdonalds and fat people! I will prove this study wrong!

Look at this chart of fast food restaurants per 1,000 people! uhhh…

In conclusion, I wasted time searching the interweb and found nothing. But, polish a turd and you can find a diamond. My new hypothesis is, fat people are better than crappy fast food establishments. They would much rather eat at cheesecake factory. Scratch that, there is no cheesecake factory in Mississippi. You win fat people.

Tacoberfest

For all you west coast fatties, You still have 15 days left of Tacoberfest left before it’s officially over. To celebrate their rich German heritage, Del Taco will be offering Taco Deluxe’s for 89 cents, two crispy fish tacos for $3, two big fat crispy chicken tacos for $4, or two big fat chicken or steak soft tacos for $4. The CBO (chief brand officer) at Del Taco said ” Why should German foods have all the fun this month?” We agree, diarrhea shouldn’t only come from liter’s of beer and sausage this month, it should come from Tacoberfest at Del Taco. Did i mention they have Mr. Pibb in their soda fountain, get your fat butt down there.