Fat Salute: Fatty’s

This is not a salute to regular fat people, it’s a salute to Fatty’s Burger’s & More in San Antonio, Texas. Not only does their burger rank as the 18th best burger in the state of Texas, owner Mark Outing uses his noggin to come up with interesting and different burger combinations.

They have standard burgers that look incredible like the Coaches Chili burger…

…and the Heisman burger…

What really sets Fatty’s apart is what’s coming out next week. Have you ever dipped your fries in your milkshake? Take it one step further with the new deep fried ice cream bacon cheeseburger.

Also going on the menu will be the pancake burger and the chocolate chip cookie burger. We salute you Fatty’s for taking the favorite foods of fatties everywhere and throwing them on a burger. Everything is better in Texas.

Fat Salute: Dwight Schrute Gym for Muscles

Need to lose weight? You should apply for a gym membership to The Dwight Schrute Gym for Muscles. Dwight Schrute’s Gym for Muscles features the “most effective equipment you’ve ever laid your ligaments on – everything from giant rocks to pails of sand.”

On opening the gym, Dwight says “obese people in this building are a drain on resources. The chairs wear out faster, they need more freon to keep them cool, they flush the toilets more often and their massive BM’s bust the rivets on the pipes.”

Dwight plans to turn fat into cash. If you are one of the first 20 members you can take advantage of the “pay what you weigh” promotion. Normal membership dues are 49$ a month with the first and last month up front. Every third month is 59$ a month BUT the 4th month is a discount month, and you’ll only pay 19$ a month.

Remember As Dwight Says “Your Path from Obesity Starts right here”

Don't forget to stretch your pelvic bowl

Fat Salute: The back boob

The back boob, or maybe more appropriately, the back rack, is defined by the urban dictionary as:

a fatty deposit on the back that hangs in such a way that it resembles a nippleless breast. May sometimes result from a bra that is too tight, causing temporary back boobs. Mostly seen on very fat women or men with manboobs.”

As Daniel Tosh so eloquently put, you can get to second base by giving her  a hug. The back boob is every fatty boob lovers dream. Not only will you get two normal saggy boobs in the front, you also get two in the back. There are a few benefits to having back boobs.

1. You don’t need to wear a bra, you can let those things flap in the wind.

2. It gives guys a reason to stare at your backside.

3. They aren’t ruined by gigantic nipples like your normal boobs.

4. You don’t have to worry about checking for lumps.

I don't know which are bigger?

Fat boobs on either side of the body? That deserves a fat salute. Oh…and men can have them too…

 

Fat Salute: My big fat funny pug

Fat is funny. Wrinkly, squishy faces are funny. Snorting sounds are funny. If A+B=C, then my pug=Funny.

My fat pug Wrigley is my favorite dog ever. She is fat and lazy and she has an attitude problem. She isn’t mean at all, but she could care less about the existence of anyone else around her. She won’t eat her dog food unless you put human food on top of it. She proves beggars can be choosers. She loves to stand in the kitchen in hopes a piece of ground beef will fall out of the skillet, or a slice of turkey will fall off the cutting board.

She likes to go on walks, but she acts like she doesn’t. When she hears the “wanna go for a walk” call, she doesn’t even look up from the couch until the other dogs are leashed up and the door is open. She then meanders over to get her leash clipped on to her flower collar. On the walk, she’ll probably want to take a 10 minute break on the first spot of shady grass she sees. If it’s over 60 degrees, her breathing sounds like a lawnmower.

Wrigley thinks she’s a human. In fact, she has a lot of similarities to real fat women.

Similarity #1: She sits around all day doing nothing

Similarity#2: She loves hot dogs (also known as weiners in some places).

Similarity #3: She has a terrible sense of fashion.

Similarity #4: She hangs out with fatter creatures that make her look better.

Her best friend Ellie the Elephant makes her look skinny

Similarity #5: The older she gets, the more she lets herself go.

Similarity #6: Did I mention she’s lazy?

Cesar Millan has nothing on Wrigley, she is so awesomely stubborn it makes me proud. As Fat as Wrigley gets I will always love her…even if i end up needing a bigger size doggy door.

Fat Salute: Bashar Brown’s Fatty Salon

Bashar Brown has decided to open a hair salon for plus size customers only. The shop will feature larger size chairs and larger smocks. No word yet on if they’ll use extra large scissors.

Apparently fat people feel uncomfortable going into a salon that is filled with slim and gorgeous women. It feels like they are “walking into a gym” according to owner Bashar. When he goes to the gym he generally  just sits in a chair, so it’s pretty much exactly the same. Fat women love to be told they’re fat so a fat salon is the perfect Idea. Maybe they can come up with a deal like Heart Attack Grill, weigh over 300 Pounds and get a free shampoo. There’s extra cash flow potential in vending machines or maybe even a snack bar! We salute You and Your fat entrepreneurship.

 

Fat Salute: Heart Attack Grill

Heart Attack Grill is a restaurant in Dallas, Texas doing food right. It was founded in 2005 by Jon Basso with the intent of serving food porn. The genius marketing team declared the food “so bad for you it’s shocking” and the “taste is worth dying for”.

They have waitresses dressed like nurses taking orders (known as prescriptions) from the customers (known as patients). They have single, double, triple and quadruple bypass burgers ranging from 1/2 pound to 2 pounds. They cook their fries in pure lard, they serve soda with real sugar, and milkshakes with high butterfat content. They even serve cigarettes, beer and tequila. What’s not to love? If you weigh over 350 pounds, you eat for free! For this, we salute Heart Attack Grill.

Susanne Eman should move to Dallas and the biggest woman in the world crown will be hers in no time!! Check out their awesome commercial below (the guy from the commercial died…from natural causes)