Coca Cancer

How about a nice refreshing glass of ammonia

Coke and Pepsi are being forced to change their recipe or slap a cancer warning onto their cans and bottles. Who knew the “caramel color” was a more pleasant name for ammonia and sulfuric acid. The caramel color was found to cause cancer in mice but had no effect on humans. At least you aren’t drinking Mountain Dew, that has brominated vegetable oil in its recipe…and that’s a flame retardant.

In other news, I had an awesome post completed ripping apart vegans about an article that came out called Meat is the new Tobacco. You will not get to read the post as WordPress deleted the whole thing for no reason, but I will leave you with the awesome picture I made for it. This nutty vegan claims chicken wings are as bad for you as a cigarette.

I only smoke Marlboro

IHOP National Pancake Day

Everyone loves pancakes. It’s probably because they give you an excuse to eat cake for breakfast. Good news for all you pancake lovers out there. Clear your schedules next Tuesday February, 28,  because it is the 7th annual IHOP national pancake day. This means you can score some free pancakes! Go into any IHOP throughout the country between 7 a.m. and 10 p.m. and you’ll get a free short stack. Sort of.

IHOP is hoping you will donate dough to help raise money for Children’s Miracle Network Hospital and other local charities. They hope to raise $8 million dollars this year. Go to IHOP next Tuesday and bring your appetite. It’s always fun to eat for a good cause.

 

Irony: You Can’t Make This Stuff up

Heart Attack Grill isn’t joking when they say they have a taste worth dying for! Someone had a heart attack at Heart Attack Grill while eating a 6,000 calorie triple bypass burger. No irony here, move along people. Heart Attack Grill is still awesome. This guy would have had a heart attack last night regardless of where he ate dinner last night. The craziest part about this story to me is people thought it was a joke and a publicity stunt. They sat there and took videos and pictures while this poor guy was having a heart attack.

Another pretty ridiculous story that came out today was about a nasty stinkin’ government worker who snatched a 4 year old preschooler’s lunch because it wasn’t healthy enough. The child brought in a turkey and cheese sandwich, a banana, potato chips and juice from home. The lunch was confiscated and she was forced to eat…chicken nuggets! I’m sure she was really disappointed about that one…Who would steal bag lunches?

There’s a fine line here. Really, it’s none of the governments business what a parent feeds their child. BUT at the same time, it’s borderline child abuse to feed your child garage every single day of their lives growing up. Anyway with the fine nutritional education our government has given us, it’s no surprise parents pack their kids terrible lunches

Apparently irony is the theme of the day today.

THIS JUST IN: CHILD HAS PROCESSED MEAT AND BREAD REPLACED WITH BREADED PROCESSED MEAT

Now that’s news.

Say I Love You…with Pizza Hut

I know what you’re thinking…”Oh shit, it’s Valentine’s Day and I forgot I was going to propose to my girlfriend today and I only have $10,000 in my wallet and how am I ever going to pull this off!?” Don’t worry, Pizza Hut has you covered. Just order the Dinner Box Proposal Package.

Here’s what you get:

A ruby engagement ring

A photographer and videographer

A Limo

Flowers

A Fireworks show

AND Pizza Hut’s new $10 dinner box that includes on medium one topping pizza, five bread sticks with marinara sauce, and ten cinnamon sticks.

If you want pepperoni and sausage you pay extra. That’s messed up. Don’t forget to tip 20%. I’ll stick with the taco bell wedding package.

For $5o, you get:

A custom “will  you marry me?” fire sauce packet

A chihuahua to officiate the wedding

matching “Taco Bell” ring tattoos

A 5$ box

Scratch that. They’re working together anyway! Damn you corporate America!

 

Rosalie Bradford vs. Susanne Eman

As anyone who has read Fatty Lane knows, the greatweight gain race is is alive and well! There are many vying for the title of fattest woman in the world including Donna Simpson, Pauline Potter and Susanne Eman. I have come to the decision that Rosalie Bradford is the true champion. Not only did she balloon all the way up to 1,200 pounds, she has the world record for the most weight lost by a woman.

Rosalie before and after

As you already know, I think Eman needs to step up her game if she is going to reach her goal of 1600 pounds. I think if she wants to be the true fatty champion she needs to set the world record for heaviest woman AND set the world record for the most weight lost. What would Susanne look like slimmed down? Maybe something like this…

Before and after? Maybe one day...

Only time will tell…

 

Fat Dogs

It isn’t just humans that are fat. Dogs and cats are getting fatter too. I love my big fat pug, and now i learn that she’s just a statistic. 22% of cats and 20% of dogs were obese in 2010. It turns out when dogs sit around, do nothing and eat scraps of their owners junk food they get fat too! Even movie star dogs have been gaining weight.

Shadow, Chance and Sassy were in great shape when they shot Homeward Bound. They have since gained some weight and it shows in their newest feature.

Nestle has decided to help address this growing(pun!) problem. No news on whether chocolate will be offered in their doggy weight loss package…

Be on the lookout for fat dogs on Super Bowl commercials this year. Here is one that is going to air.

Good Dog! This puts Rocky to shame! That dog needs to give Snoopy some pointers. He has really let himself go.

Good Grief

 

Fat Acting!

I recently did a post about anti-obesity advertisements that were run by New York City to try to get people to pay attention to their portion sizes. They questioned the ethics of soda and fast food portion sizes. Here is the original ad.

Wow, he had to get his leg amputated because he ordered large sodas. It turns out he didn’t. A health department spokesman said ” We might stop using actors in our ads if the food industry stops using actors in theirs.” I’m not quite sure what this means. You mean to say you couldn’t find a fat person out there with one leg? This sounds like laziness to me. I don’t understand who he wants the food industry to use in their advertisements. In photo advertisements, it’s generally just pictures of delicious food. Sure it never looks like the real food, but everyone knows that already. Does he want fat actors in their advertisements? Actors with one leg? Fat actors with two legs who have been photoshopped? This is the original picture of the man.

Look at that! He has both of his legs! Still something seemed fishy so I did some digging. It turn’s out the picture above was photoshopped from this original

and that was photoshopped from this…

It all makes sense now. Lebron was the actor they hired. Maybe that’s why he plays like he has one leg in the playoffs.

Paula Deen Caught Red Handed…With Ketchup on her Hands

Paula Deen has decided to celebrate diabetes and her million dollar spokeswoman contract by going on a cruise…and proceeding to eat giant hamburgers! TMZ reported the story with a picture of Paula Stuffing her face.

Courtesy TMZ

You go Paula. Way to say eff off diabetes and eat what you want. Oh wait…you claim your eating didn’t contribute your diabetes anyway. The picture didn’t really surprise me. She really looks like she’s ravishing that burger. She must have read the Fatty Lane top 10 burger chain post yesterday and couldn’t contain herself. Some are outraged at the picture. If they only knew about the picture of her I have. She’s eating a burger…and beating a puppy with a cupcake tin. That’s messed up Paula.

That's messed up.

 

Fat Salute: Bulletproof Coffee

There’s a new method to preparing coffee floating around that makes you feel bulletproof. There’s a simple formula to preparing it…

The coffee was dreamed up by The Bulletproof Executive. Here’s how to make it:

1. Take about 2 cups of black coffee brewed with mold free beans

2. Add 2 tablespoons of unsalted grass-fed butter

3. Add MCT oil (optional)

4. Blend until a nice foam forms at the top

 

This doesn’t sound terrible. It’s important to use grass-fed butter such as Kerrygold because it will blend better and let’s be honest, it tastes way better than regular butter. Salted butter will make for salty coffee so stick with unsalted. The only thing silly about this whole idea is the ingredients in cream are:

1. Cream

The ingredients in butter are:

1. Cream

Does Cream lose or gain something magical when you churn it? I don’t know. Bulletproof coffee gets a fat salute anyway because adding butter to anything is always a great idea.