Taco Bell…What the Hell?

Let me start by stating the obvious. I love Taco Bell. There is no better food when you’re drunk and there’s no better food when you’re hungover. In fact, even when you aren’t drunk Taco Bell is so salty and delicious that it can induce its own Taco Bell hangover.

We've all been there.

Last year Taco Bell took to shot to the chin when a lawsuit was filed against them saying they didn’t use real meat and instead only used a 35% meat mixture. Taco bell saw sales drop 5 percent in the second quarter and 2 percent in the third quarter. The lawsuit was quickly thrown out and Taco Bell tried desperately to defend its image by saying their beef was 88% beef and 12% “signature ingredients”, equaling 100% deliciousness.

First of all, I don’t really care if T-Bell (credit to my brother for the awesome slang) is 1% meat and 99% “signature ingredients.” If you’re going to T-Bell for the quality, you should reevaluate the ability to use your brain properly. It would be one thing if Morton’s Steakhouse or Whole Foods wasn’t selling real beef, this is Taco Bell people!

The point of Taco Bell is to enjoy and appreciate the fine delicate flavors of nacho cheese sauce and chalupa shells. It’s about sitting in the drive-thru at 1 am because nothing else is open. It’s about Taco Bell burps, which all taste the same regardless of what your eat.

So, T-Bell was trying to revamp its image after the whole lawsuit fiasco and came out with the Doritos Taco Shell…

Well played Taco Bell. Did anyone complain the Doritos “secret ingredients”?

No. Because no one cared and no one should care. The point of Taco Bell isn’t for health, it’s for indulgence. If health and fresh ingredients are your concern, you should probably stay away from fast food in general. If you want to exercise your right to gluttony, T-Bell is the place to be.

With the start of the new year Taco Bell introduced to new concepts to the menu. The first I back fully, the second made me say “what the hell Taco Bell?”

The successful introduction was First Meal, which launches this week and will be available in 750 stores.

The menu will include breakfast burritos, hash browns, Seattle’s Best coffee and Cinnabon Delights.

Items will cost between $.99 and $2.79. Well played Taco Bell. I can’t wait for breakfast nachos and quesadillas to be added to the menu.

The other new menu addition is the Cantina Bell Menu. Apparently T-Bell is trying to get their Chipotle on. They will be offering “fresh food” and include black beans, cilantro rice and grilled corn salsa. No word on what percentage of the corn is actually made of corn. Their “burrito bowl” will be cheaper than Chipotle’s.

ooooo fresh!

This is the worst addition to the Taco Bell menu since the Fresca menu. I really do hope these moves pay off for Taco Bell and they make boatloads of money. That way they can bring back the chili cheese burrito to all stores and maybe even work out a deal with Pringles! Mmm…dare to dream.

Pringles Nachos anyone?

 

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