Fat Salute: Dwight Schrute Gym for Muscles

Need to lose weight? You should apply for a gym membership to The Dwight Schrute Gym for Muscles. Dwight Schrute’s Gym for Muscles features the “most effective equipment you’ve ever laid your ligaments on – everything from giant rocks to pails of sand.”

On opening the gym, Dwight says “obese people in this building are a drain on resources. The chairs wear out faster, they need more freon to keep them cool, they flush the toilets more often and their massive BM’s bust the rivets on the pipes.”

Dwight plans to turn fat into cash. If you are one of the first 20 members you can take advantage of the “pay what you weigh” promotion. Normal membership dues are 49$ a month with the first and last month up front. Every third month is 59$ a month BUT the 4th month is a discount month, and you’ll only pay 19$ a month.

Remember As Dwight Says “Your Path from Obesity Starts right here”

Don't forget to stretch your pelvic bowl

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3 responses

  1. On opening the gym, Dwight says “obese people in this building are a drain on resources. The chairs wear out faster, they need more freeon to keep them cool, they flush the toilets more often and their massive BM’s bust the rivets on the pipes.”
    Id, like to address each of these accusations if I might. I do this just to cement the fact that Dwight is an idiot.
    1. Breaking of office furniture: Obese people do wear out chairs faster but they also reduce the amount a stale food found in the office vending machines. So what’s worse; replacing a few cheap office chairs every so often or getting food poisoning from an expired tuna sandwich?
    2. The use of more “freeon” spelled Freon: Obese people do NOT use more Freon. The refrigerant charge in an AC unit is constant (excluding leaks) no matter how much the building occupants weigh. The difference is in the run time of the ac. Fat people require cooler temps so the AC system need to run longer and harder. That translates to more electricity usage not more refrigerant usage. Besides building cooling is limited by thermostatic control and not by your co-workers big fat ass.
    3. Flushing toilets more: Wrong again. It’s a medical fact that obese people tend to be constipated more so than normal weight individuals. This mean less, not more trips to the bowl.
    4. Busting riveted pipes with huge bowel movements. Riveted sanitary piping????? Only in cartoons pal.

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