Top 10 Ways to Stay Fat on Thanksgiving

The ultimate fatty holiday is Thanksgiving. With Thanksgiving fast approaching, everywhere you look you see news stories or articles on how to avoid gaining weight. I’m here to make sure you enjoy your holiday. It only comes once a year and you only live once right? Let’s look at the top 10 ways to make sure you don’t fall into the trap of losing weight, aka not fully enjoying thanksgiving.

1. Eat a Big Breakfast

They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Just because you are feasting later, that doesn’t mean you should skip or skimp on breakfast. Load up your plate a prep your gut for the goodness to come.

2. Skip the physical activity

All the calorie counting losers around you will be looking to burn a few calories by getting outside and exercising. Big mistake. You don’t need to move, the couch will do just fine. If you must join the fam outside suggest a game of football. Volunteer to be the referee or the kicker.

3. skip the water

They say “water will make  you full and you’ll want to eat less.” Precisely the problem. You are allowed alcohol of any kind, soda or other sugary drinks, dairy and caffeine.

4.Sit around and watch football

The Green Bay vs. Detroit game might even be worth watching this year! Basketball would get the nod too…except they can’t get their act together.

5. Eat early

Note: Don't eat your cat or dog

The sooner you eat, the more time you have to eat the rest of the day. Aim for a lunchtime feast and you’ll be having some next day leftovers the same day.

6. Take two plates to start

You need to set the tone the right way. Take a minimum of two plates to start. This ensures you’ll get top notch fresh food as well as a good start to stuffing your gullet.

7. Mix in dessert with dinner

Why wait until the end of the meal for the good stuff? You should have a slice of pie on every plate you eat. Make sure you have a nice variety for dessert. Oh, and make sure you save some dessert for dessert.

8. Skip the Vegetables

Just like water, it’s a waste of taste and space in your stomach. With all the delicious Thanksgiving food, veggies should be your last option. Unless of course they are government approved veggies like pizza and french fries.

9. Gravy

Gravy is the best part of Thanksgiving. It should go on everything. Put some in your coffee. Put it on your your turkey. Put it on your pie. Drink it straight. It’s delicious.

10. Adapt an “it’s a now or never” attitude

People will say “No need to stuff your face, you can eat turkey year round.” This is true but Thanksgiving day only comes once. You can have a bbq and a watermelon in January but it’s not the same as doing it on 4th of July. To truly enjoy the holiday, you must realize it’s now or never. Eat like it will be your last Thanksgiving…chances are it might be and your heart will stop beating before the next one.





2 responses

  1. Loading up until you practically burst on Thanksgiving is an American tradition. It’s what the holiday is all about or at least that’s what it has become for many people. It’s kind of interesting how different families seem to treat the holiday. In my wife’s family it’s a four day food fest that starts from the moment you get out of bed until you literally pass out in front of the TV at night each of the four days. It’s a celebration of shear gluttony that is looked forward to and prepared for weeks in advance. It’s amazing how everyone enjoys themselves, eats, laughs and has a wonderful time. Compare that to my side of the family where Thanksgiving is looked upon as sort of a bastard step child of the holidays. In my family it’s a one day event that just happens to include some Turkey. Eating and food are not a big deal in my family and anything that resembles over indulgence is strictly frowned upon. Growing up Thanksgiving dinner usually lasted about 1 and ½ hrs from start to finish max and was then forgotten about. Left overs were considered a burden and most of the leftover food was never eaten and was relegated to the garbage by the end of the weekend. My family thinks overeating is a no-no and that fat people are disgusting slobs. The idea of being fat or gaining weight in my family is horrifying and as you can imagine my relationship with my wife has placed me in the black sheep category, lol. I don’t spend a lot of time with my extended family as their attitude toward my wife’s and our children’s weight usually causes and argument. We much prefer my wife’s side of the family and how they look at life. Those people really know how to have a good time.

    BTW, I wonder what the record for most weight gained over the Thanksgiving holiday is?

  2. I don’t know that’s a good question. I tried to find the answer but all i could find was the average weight gained. They need to fund a study!

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