University of Pennsylvania Orthopedic surgeon John D. Kelly writes a monthly column for Outpatient Surgery Magazine. It’s a magazine you won’t understand, so don’t worry about it if you’ve never heard of it. Dr. Kelly is a funny guy, so he writes a funny column. This month he decided to write about fat people. He did a little article about when to be worried about your patients. Here’s an excerpt:
Be real concerned if:
-Your patient has more chins than a Chinese phonebook.
-Your patient has stretch marks on his teeth.
-If there is a comma in your patients weight.
-Your patient has a dog named Twinkie.
-Your patient has a daughter named Tostitos.
-Your patient wears a wristwatch on his finger.
-Your patient has a blood pressure cuff the size of Montana.
Those were some real knee slappers Doc…People were outraged a doctor could make fun of overweight people like that. Dr. Kelly did the whole apology routine and tried his best to make everything all better. Well Dr. Kelly, I’m here to tell you everything is not better. I’m offended and outraged at your column and there is nothing you can do to make it up to me. Those are some of the worst fat jokes I’ve ever heard.
He was probably sitting in his underwear watching Dr. OZ when he realized his column was due. So he did what any high school student would do, he used Google. I’m betting Dr. Kelly searched “fat jokes” and replaced a few words like “mama” with “patient.” I mean seriously, a blood pressure cuff the size of Montana? More Chins than a Chinese phone book? That’s blatant plagiarism! Fat people aren’t the victim here, comedy is. You should be ashamed of yourself Dr. Kelly.