Top 10 ways fat people try to act healthy

“One double Venti Soy Vanilla Latte with 7 pumps” says the overweight woman in front of me at Starbucks to the man behind the counter. “Soy milk is better for you than regular milk” she tells her fat friend.

While eating at 5 napkin burger, I listen to the fat woman behind me telling her friends how she “puts on muscle so easily” and how she “used to have a 6 pack…well maybe not a full 6 pack but definitely a 4 pack.” She orders the vegetable roll and a diet coke and tells her in shape friends “Sushi is good for you.”

Fat People love to tell their friends how great they feel and how healthy they are. Here are the top 10 ways fat people try to act healthy.

10.Fat free chips

It’s still a potato chip.

9.100 calorie packs

Putting cookies in a bag and writing 100 calories makes them healthy? Don Draper would be proud.

8.Soy milk

Give me extra pumps mr. Starbucks man because I got soy milk!

7.Fat Free Cream Cheese

This will go great on those healthy fat free bagels…

6.Lean Cuisine

Pass the salt shaker.

5.Juice

Diabetes in a bottle

4.Diet Soda

“Yeah give me two #4 combo meals and an extra side of fries…oh an a diet coke please.”

3. I can’t believe it’s not butter

Processed Vegetable oil spread. Yeah I’ll use that one.

2.Frozen Yogurt

Everyone knows froyo is a vehicle for toppings!

1.Whole Grain foods

I need my “hearty healthy whole grains” , now where’s the syrup?

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2 responses

  1. I find it disingenuous that fat people claim to eat healthy. Take it from one who knows fatties very well; they all eat whatever they want; as much as they want; whenever they want. Most of them have no self-restraint and will eat until they are sick if left to their own devices. True fatties who eat the so called healthy foods only do so for show as they try and fool others into believing their bullshit, Unfortunately their waistline or ass size betray their lies. Fatties need to come clean about their eating habits; at least then they won’t look so silly and will achieve a small amount of respect for telling the truth. All big fatsos need to come clean about their eating habits and celebrate their largess. Not everyone has the courage to go out in public looking like a human parade float so they should be proud of themselves and not be hiding and lying about what they eat.

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