Fatty Lane Guide: Make Big Fat Money

Do you want to make big fat money NOW?!?!?! Do you want to make millions doing absolutely nothing!? Do you hate your job and want to be your own boss?!?! YOU CAN DO IT! Well maybe not, but you can make some big fat money off of big fat people. Here are some ways to “help” people with their fat problems and make you a nice chunk of change in the process. The secret formula to make you billions is in my e-book! Only 4 easy payments of $49.95. Just kidding, it’s at the bottom of this post

Open a Restaurant that Caters to Fat People

The Heart Attack Grill is a perfect example. Quadruple Bypass burgers, Fries cooked in pure lard, butterfat milk shakes, beer, cigarettes. Need I say more? If you eat there enough and manage to get your weight over 350 pounds, you eat for free. Maybe you can have a scooter drive thru? Maybe you can deep fry everything. Maybe you can offer the “Susanne Eman Diet Challenge”- Eat 12 tacos, 2 litres of soda, 8 scoops of ice cream and pan of brownies and get your picture on the SSBBW wall of fame.

Start a Supplement Company

Americans spend $40 milion a year on weight loss programs and supplements every year. Who cares if your product doesn’t work as long as your making the big bucks. We aren’t here for an ethics seminar, just some moolah. Make ridiculous claims. Promise the impossible. Offer 100% money back guarantee with fine print saying “we make no guarantee on our guarantee.”

Start a Personal Hygiene Company

Pictured above is the “Bottom Buddy”. It helps people clean their bottoms. You can create your own product. Maybe the “Butt Buddy” or the “Ass-Blaster” or the “wiener-cleaner” will be your million dollar idea. Maybe you can create a product that lets you shower without leaving the bed. Anything that makes life easier for a large person can bring in a large paycheck.

Start a Mobility Scooter Company

The Donna Simpson Model

As people get lazier and lazier, they’ll look for ways to make their life easier. Mobility scooters are a growing market. Be creative. Make a green, eco-friendly scooter that runs on natural gas provided by the rider. Make a built in refrigerator or toilet. The more features that promote laziness, the better. And remember the bigger the scooter, the bigger the profit.

Start an Over-sized Coffin Company

In the United States, over 950 Billion people die every minute due to obesity related causes. To put this number in perspective, Sea Turtles kill 0 people every year. This makes you realize how dangerous obesity is. And where there’s danger, there’s potential profit. With people getting bigger and bigger, Coffins need to get bigger and bigger. This will make your wallet bigger and bigger.


Becoming a billionaire isn’t easy, Here’s how to do it. Start a fat restaurant. When your customers are fat enough, sell them supplements from your fat-loss supplement line. When those don’t work, they’ll gain more weight and need help with the smallest of tasks like using the toilet. After a few months pass, they’ll need to buy your specialized mobility scooter with the built in toilet. When health problems catch up with them, you’ll be there to help with funeral arrangements. With this business model, you make life and death easier, more comfortable and more enjoyable. Helping people, is what making money is all about.


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