Pauline Potter sits proud perched on her chair. It took years of not working hard to get to where she is today. At 47, she is the fattest woman in the world and has two other SSBBW’s hot on her trail. Susanne Eman and Donna Simpson are the next closest in weight and hope to catch her soon. If this excites you, ask yourself this question, why can’t YOU be the next fattest woman in the world? Guess what? You can! If you follow these 6 easy steps below, you too can be the fattest woman in the world.
Step 1: Eat, Eat, Eat
Susanne Eman eats more than 20,000 calories per day. If you want to catch up in the great SSBBW race, You need to consume at least 25,000 calories per day. Eat 7-10 meals per day. Deep fry everything. Eat fast food. Wake up in the middle of the night to eat. To become the fat, you have to think like the fat.
Step 2: Become a couch potato
If you really want to become an SSBBW, stop doing anything other than eating,sleeping and eating some more. Get the premium Netflix account and know your Chinese food delivery man’s cell phone number. Sit around and wait for the weight.
Step 3: Tell everyone how great you feel
No matter how terrible your body feels, you must tell everyone around you how much healthier and better you feel since gaining weight. This is what all the pro’s do. They feel so much better. They feel healthier. Even if you feel like complete garbage, tell everyone how great it feels to be gaining weight.
Step 4: Get a motorized scooter
So you’ve been eating, sitting around, and telling everyone how great you feel? Now’s the time to really get immobile. Get a motorized scooter so you never have to leave your growing ass. Drive it from the couch to the bathroom. Take it to the grocery store. This is your new best friend for weight gain.
Step 5: Tell everyone you’re a sex goddess
All SSBBW’s do this. It doesn’t matter that you can’t tie your own shoes or wipe your own ass, you need to tell everyone you have sex all the time and men are constantly after you. Pauline Potter claims she is a “sex goddess” and “has fantastic sex every day. Everyone knows this is complete bullshit, but it’s a necessary part of the process. Just like baseball players deny they took steroids, or Bill Clinton denied his affair with Monica Lewinsky, SSBBW’s love to lie about their sex lives.
Step 6: Be Patient
Luckily there’s a fine line being patient and being lazy. Just sit around, relax, open a couple cans of Pringles and watch your ass grow.